This post topic might seem like an interesting choice in the midst of Instagram feeds that are filled with pictures of kids happily (or note so happily!) perched on Santa’s lap, Pinterest worthy Christmas decorations and all the sweaters and winter fashion a gal could hope for. But, this blog is all about equipping you with tools and strategies to live the best life you can. For me that means talking about things that are important to me and with everything going on in the news, in our country and in my own circle of family and friends, I feel compelled to do my part of keep the conversation going the only way I know how: by writing about it. So, it’s time for some “real talk” and more than any post I’ve ever published, I’m hungry for your comments! I want to hear your thoughts, your own experiences, your questions, ways that you’ve kept this conversation going in your own circles and communities… I want to hear from you!
Last week, I attended a supper + salon at a lovely venue here in Seattle called The Riveter. For those of you that aren’t familiar, they have amazingly designed co-working collaboration spaces and community that focuses on changing the conversation around women, our work and women’s empowerment. They don’t believe that we need more women at the “big boys” table, they believe in building a brand new table where women and men can come together equally. So, it’s only fitting that the discussion topic for our dinner discussion was: “How to Rally Everyday Advocates and Allies”.
Eighteen of us gathered, bringing not only a dish to contribute to our supper, but coming with it various range of perspectives and experiences, and had a completely open and timely discussion about sexual harassment. It’s so easy to get caught up in the emotions of the topic and neglect the important step of shifting out of emotion and into action. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about feeling your emotions and giving them the space they need BUT I also believe in being a person of action, moving past what we feel and into asking how do we CHANGE this! That was our primary focus for this dinner gathering: to discus ways we can equip the men in our community to be our ally’s and women in our lives to be each other’s advocates.
This is a BIG topic. And I’m not attempting to do more than merely scratch the surface and continue the discussion from that dinner table into my own community hoping that each of you can continue it in your own way with your communities. You might be wondering, “okay I’m with you but how do I even start a conversation about sexual harassment?!” This topic can absolutely be intimidating to bring up and comes with its own wide-ranging bucket of emotions and shame for those that are victim of these cowardly and ruthless acts. The focus of this post is about equipping you to continue make sexual harassment something we can all openly talk about and take steps to make a difference.
If the thought that crosses your mind is, “Well how can one person make a change? What can I, one little ole person, do to make lasting change?” You’re in good company and also in the right place since that’s what I aim to start to answer in this post! Below are a few key takeaways and actions that were discussed last week that can start to get the wheels turning and equip YOU with actions you can take today and every day to help make this shift toward awareness continue to happen and tactics that you can use to continue the conversation.
You Can’t Change Everyone, But You Can Change You
The best place to start a change is with yourself. Whether you’ve experienced sexual harassment or not, if you want to be an ally to women that have been affected and help change the conversation, start by bringing the awareness to yourself first. Make sure you’re exposing yourself to different groups of people and not staying in own proverbial “ideological bunkers” as Brené Brown would say in her new book, Braving the Wilderness. Open your eyes to those around you. Are you experiencing sexual harassment yourself and you don’t know how or are scared to stand up against it? Are you seeing it happen to others and not speaking up? Are you passionate about minimizing it and not showing up? Seek out those that can support you through you experiences, encourage you to use your voice for those around you, communities that are actively making a different. Even being aware that sexual harassment is a real and pervasive issue is a step in the right direction! Like we did before, change needs to start inside you before it can become contagious to others. Seek out ways that you can actively be involved in bringing about a change. There are so many resources that you can watch and read! (And if you have a few particular favorites, PLEASE leave them in a comment below so I can add them to this post!).
Small Consistent Change Beats One Big Declaration
Changing the conversation will take time- it’s not going to happen overnight. Look for the seemingly little things that you can consistently do to build a habit of speaking up for yourself and/or for others. Point out an offensive phrases and priced offer alternatives to use instead. Share a pertinent article with your boss and outline how is important to you to have an inclusive, safe workplace and how happy you are that yours is. Stand up for yourself if someone makes inappropriate comments or gestures.
Share to Make Aware: When You Know
One of my favorite quotes comes from Maya Angelou, who says “When you know better, you do better. There is a chance that the person who’s acted in an inappropriate way might not even realize that they’ve done or said something offensive. This is your chance to make a small change and help educate them. Sharing with grace beats outright confrontation. No one likes to be confronted or told that they’re offensive. One approach is to share with them that you respect them and found what they said or did to be offensive and you know they don’t intend to be and you wanted to help make them aware so they can make a choice next time about their words or actions if they don’t want to be perceived that way.
** I’ll pause- there ARE those who are offensive on purpose and they may require direct, stern conversations to correct their behavior but there is a chance that you’re not the person to deliver it. If that’s the case, this is a great chance to activate an ally! Try to find someone who would be considered their equal (either in level within your company, or someone who is their gender/race equal) and equip them to be an advocate and have that conversation with the offender. Chances are the person will be more receptive to someone considered their equal to deliver a correction.**
These are just a few tactics, ideas and ways to approach the topics of sexual harassment. Each person has a different situation, set of experiences and comfort level of speaking up so you need to find what works for you. The one take away that I want you to remember is that YOU can be ally and make a difference! Right where you are, with whatever experience you’ve had, in whatever situation you’re in.
Leave a Reply