What I’m Reading: Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown

Reading has always been a favorite hobby. My nose was always in a book and I was always amazed at the power words have… transporting us to places we’ve never seen, painting pictures in our heads and expanding our thoughts and ideas. I don’t make as much time for it as I’d like, despite the growing list of books next to my reading chair. I love the feeling of a book in your hands as you read it, the pages turning, the weight of the pages bound together. For commute purposes I’m going to give Kindle and audiobooks a try next month but nothing will replace that feeling of holding and reading a real, paper filled book.

But, back to the point! I just finished a book that made a real impact on me and I wanted to share it with you since the purpose of this whole blog project is to share tools, thoughts and inspiration that can help you to find meaning and live a life on purpose.

If you haven’t heard of Brené Brown you’re in for a real treat! She is a research professor at the University of Houston who has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers. Her uncanny ability to share learnings from thousands of interviews in a storytelling format is unmatched. Her TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability– is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views. She has another talk, Listening to Shame which is equally epic.

And, if you’re wondering those are my Raisin Bran Muffins with Homemade Almond Butter and a cup of decaf chai in the picture below!

Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
The inside book cover reads, “…in a culture that’s rife with perfectionism and pleasing, and with and erosion of civility, it’s easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideological bunkers, or fit in rather than show up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism.” As someone who’s wanted to achieve that “fitting in” award her entire live, my honest first response was “Wow, that sounds super lonely and super hard. Can’t I just keep trying to fit in and be my true self?”

I bet you can guess the answer to that question. A group of eighth graders that she interviewed hit the nail on the head, “Belonging is being accepted for you, fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.” So, my eternal quest for fitting in was directly challenged the entire time I read this book. There was SO much that resonated with me. I’ll be honest, it was a hard one to read and I wasn’t sitting down in an afternoon with a cup of tea and casually turning pages. I went into learning mode; highlighter and pen in hand underlining, writing in the margins, journaling about different parts that were especially chewy. Wrestling with the thoughts and ideas. Below are a few of my notes, parts of the book that particularly resonated with me. If you’re looking for your next book to read, I’d highly recommend giving this one a try!

• I was a seeker of patterns and connection. I knew if I could recognize patterns in people’s behaviors and connect those patterns to what people were feeling and doing, I could find my way. I used my pattern recognition skills to anticipate what people wanted, what they thought, or what they were doing. I learned how to say the right thing or show up in the right way. I became an expert fitter-in, a chameleon. And a very lonely stranger to myself.(P16)
• “You will always belong anywhere you show up as yourself and talk about yourself and your work in a real way.” Steve Brown, Brené Brown’s Husband (P26)
• True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. (P32)
• What does it take to get to the place in our life where we belong nowhere and everywhere where belonging is in our heard and not a reward for “perfecting, pleasing, proving and pretending” or something that others can hold hostage or take away? (P35)
• “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path, your own path you make with every step you take.” Joseph Campbell (P40)
• True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are. (P40)
• Our work is to get to the place where we like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us. The wilderness demands this level of self-love and self-respect. (P150)
• “Because belonging is so primal, so necessary, the threat of loosing your tribe or going alone feels so terrifying as to keep most of us distanced from the wilderness our whole lives, Human approval is one of our most treasured idols, and the offering we must lay at its hungry feet is keeping others comfortable. Jen Hatmaker (P151)
• Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our most accurate measure of courage. (P154)
• Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild hearts against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you. (P158)
• “Belonging is being accepted for you, fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.” (P160)

I’d love to hear your thoughts, if you read the book or only glanced at my summary here. What did you think? Did something stand out to you? Have you ever heard of Brené before today? If the answer is no, I HIGHLY recommend watching both of her TEDTalks hyperlinked above!